


77. Luke and Ryan go shopping

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Luke Evans and Alex Skarsgard [77]
Category: Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), True Blood RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-02
Updated: 2009-11-02
Packaged: 2018-01-01 14:35:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica





	77. Luke and Ryan go shopping

__**Luke Evans and Ryan[](http://www.journalfen.net/users/kwanten/profile)[ **kwanten**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/kwanten/) go shopping at Citadel**  
 **players only. backdated. posted out of order. takes place in mid-August, after**[dinner with Sam and Ryan](http://www.journalfen.net/users/sam_worthington/22982.html) and before [Alex's birthday](http://www.journalfen.net/users/skarsgard/18822.html). 

"Is there anything in particular you want to look at while we're here?" Ryan asks, skipping past a narrow column of porn DVDs featuring horses - _horses_ , Christ - and picking up a glossy jewel case displaying a few good male-on-male-on-male DP shots. When Luke mentioned at dinner the other night that he'd never been to any of the Citadel gift shops, Ryan insisted that he carve out a little time in his L.A. schedule for Ryan to take him to one. The Citadel shops are easily the porniest stores Ryan's ever seen, but they manage to be so without being trashy, which is quite a feat. Plus, they're clean, and the value of that can't be overstated. He sets the DVD back on the shelf and gestures towards the rest of the store. "Floggers? Clothes? Books?"

"Um... floggers, I guess," Luke says, even though he'd really like to check out the huge selection of butt plugs and dildos. Floggers seem safer. More like something friends would look at together. If they were both members of a super secret kinky sex club. And although he's pretty sure Ryan probably knows already, given his questions about fisting, he's not quite prepared to admit what a slut he is for having something up his ass.

"Okay." Ryan's pretty sure Luke's holding back on what he's really interested in, but he's not one to put pressure on. Particularly with Luke being fairly new to Citadel in general. "Do you guys do any roleplay?" he asks as they make their way through the store. He points at a solid wood paddle with holes drilled through, and gives Luke a grin. "Sam and I had a lot of fun in the principal's office with something like that."

Luke grins back, blushing just a little, his body reacting all too eagerly to the images those words put in his head. "We've done a little," he says. "We played at me convincing a teenaged him that guys are better and we did a thing in Wales, out back from my old school - sort of re-enacting my first time," he confesses softly.

"That's cool," Ryan replies, thinking about it. "Was your first time... I mean, not a good memory?" He hopes he's not stepping onto a minefield just by asking.

Luke laughs, blushing more. "No. My first time was great. Um. Alex just likes thinking about being my first," he explains, not willing to discuss Alex's personal experiences. "I was fourteen," he adds, trusting Ryan not to make anything out of that.

"Ahhh, okay. He likes the idea of going where no man has gone before, huh?" Ryan chuckles, then quirks an eyebrow at Luke. "You had yourself that figured out at fourteen? That's amazing."

"I knew I was gay a lot earlier than that," Luke says. "Probably when I was nine or ten, but I didn't come out to my parents until I was sixteen. They're Jehovah's Witnesses? I don't know if anyone told you. Anyway. I was terrified they'd disown me."

Now Ryan's eyes are wide. "But they didn't?" he asks tentatively, remembering that Luke said he'd brought Alex home to Wales to meet his family.

"No, which is huge," Luke says, picking up a thick leather slapper with the word "slut" cut into it. "Their church wanted them to, and they're supposed to, especially if I won't be celibate, but they said they knew that God would understand." He runs a finger over the word, blowing out a breath. "I think we might have pushed them a little too hard with us wanting to get married though. They've already said they won't come to the wedding _and_ that they won't stay with us if they ever visit."

"Wow." The word is soft, and totally inadequate. Ryan studies Luke, trying to gauge just how much pain the man is carrying as a result of that new rift. "Are they still speaking to you? Since Alex, I mean?"

Luke nods. "My mum is," he says, setting the slapper back down and picking up another with "boy" cut into it instead, this one thicker than the first. "My dad says hi but then he hands the phone over to her and it's just... different, like there's this thing hanging over us." He gives Ryan a small smile. "Your parents want you two to get married, don't they?"

"I don't think my dad really cares one way or the other. It's my mum who's all gung-ho about it," Ryan explains softly. God, he just wants to cuddle Luke right now. Hearing that Alex has managed to ruin the fragile family peace Luke worked so hard to achieve, so long ago... He frowns. "I always get worried about glass dildos," he says, moving to the next section and picking up a heavy phallus, clear glass with a sunburst of red in the center. "I mean, they look so cool, but..." He shrugs. "Do you think your dad will get over it? Or do you think it's just too much for him to adjust to, at this point?"

"I don't know," Luke says, making a face at Ryan as he picks up a dolphin-shaped dildo. "I hope he will. They like Alex and I know they know he's the reason I'm so incredibly happy. But our getting married goes against everything they believe in and if their church found out, they'd be disfellowshipped and I don't know if they could have that happen and stay living where they are."

"Oh." Ryan snorts a soft laugh at the dolphin. "I wonder if you can put that in the fridge..." He rubs a fingertip over the dolphin's upturned snout, then shakes his head. "What are you going to do? Do you think you'll go ahead with the wedding?"

"Of course we will," Luke says, hefting another metal dildo in his hand, the sheer weight of it making his hole clench tight. "I love my parents deeply but there's no way on earth I'm letting their faith make me not marry the man I want to spend the rest of my life with." He shrugs, his voice a little thicker when he adds, "If they can't be there, they can't be there."

"But... wait. You'll be together anyway," Ryan points out, automatically trying to find a solution even though he knows it's not his place; it just sucks to see Luke so obviously hurting. "You said they were okay with that, that they liked Alex? I mean, they know you two fuck each other. Can they chill out and just pretend that part doesn't exist if you don't get married, just stay together?"

"Maybe, but I don't want to do that," Luke says, looking straight at Ryan. "I want to get married. I want Alex to be my husband. I want the whole world to know he's mine, that he chose me, that we've made that commitment to each other."

"Okay." Ryan says the word softly, and nods. "I completely understand that. I hate that it can't be me standing next to Sam at premieres, so fucking proud of him. That he can hold hands with Natalie in public, but I have to do my best to be invisible, because we don't want anyone to notice that I'm always around him." He picks up a wooden sculpture from the shelf, the graceful shape of it fine-grained and smooth, and it takes him a moment to realize that, yes, it really _is_ a butt plug. He grins, thinking of something Alex said over dinner the other night. "He certainly seems to feel that way about you as well, and more."

That gets a genuine smile from Luke. "Thanks." He reaches over, touching the plug. "Um. What about splinters? Or would you put a condom on it?" he asks, then glances at Ryan. "Does it bother you that you have to pretend? Do you wish he'd just come out?"

"Does it bother me? Hell yes. Do I wish he'd just come out?" Ryan shrugs, then sighs. "No. I knew who he was and what he did when I first agreed to follow him all over the world. I think it would be really fucking unfair for me to put pressure on him to change." He turns the plug in his hands, checking the varnish. "Condom, I guess. Not because of splinters - it's pretty smooth - but because wood's so porous I think it would be hard to clean it properly." He grins and hands the plug to Luke. "Someday, I really really want to buy a whole shelf full of these things, and just display them out in the open like they're art. Like, daring people to fucking say something."

Luke laughs. "I'd pay to see that," he says with a grin. "Oh my god, look at that one." Eyes wide, he points at a _huge_ ridged black plug. "I don't know whether it freaks me out or turns me on more," he admits, figuring he might as well own up to his kinks.

"The Missile," Ryan reads, and blows out a breath. "Three and a half inches wide, damn." Although the base is nearly a foot across. "Ooh, these ones with the suction cups can be a lot of fun, though," he says. "Have you ever done one of those? My old sir - previous one, I mean - made me take one at a party once, in front of everyone. Fucking mortifying." Ryan's cheeks flush in memory, but he knows damn well the blush isn't all due to embarrassment.

"I've never done anything like that," Luke says, seriously impressed. "You had a sir before Sam?"

"Yeah, when I was in my twenties," Ryan answers with a nod. He picks up a package of red silicone plugs, graduated in size. And he smiles. "He was okay, but... Sam's different from him in every way that counts, know what I mean?"

"I think so," Luke says with a small smile, thinking of Alex and how very different he is from everyone else he's ever been with. "Can I ask you some really... I don't know, sort of bordering on TMI questions? Like about Citadel and kink and all this stuff," he says, gesturing towards the toys in front of them. "There's all this stuff I don't know and I don't really want to ask Alex, because of course, some of it has to do with him and being his boy."

"I love TMI. TMI is awesome," Ryan replies, setting the box back on the shelf. He grins at Luke. "And this is certainly a good place for it." Hell, just _being_ here is probably already too much information.

Luke laughs. "Okay, so this stuff, this kind of thing," waving at the dildos and plugs again. "If you saw something you wanted to try, would you buy it or tell Sam about it? Or do you wait for him to pick things out or tell you what he wants to do?"

"Aargh, just skip straight to the tough questions," Ryan teases, dragging a hand through his hair. "Um... sometimes I'll tell him. But more often than that, I think I've bought the things and kind of slipped them to him, because I was too embarrassed to come right out and ask. Like, that principal set-up I mentioned? It was one of the first roleplays we ever did, and I just bought the paddle and had it couriered to him on set, with a note." Thank goodness Sam likes to roll with things. "Do you want to go grab a cup of tea or something? Sit down for this?"

"Sure," Luke says with a smile. "That would be great. Maybe we can come back after?"

"Definitely." Ryan nods to the girl behind the cash register as they pass, and promises, "We'll be back." They cross the marbled lobby and he ponders the elaborate outfit she was wearing, corset and stockings with strappy things on her thighs. It looks wicked complicated to him, but he supposes it must appeal to some people. "Are you two still monogamous?" he asks Luke softly, curious whether Alex, like Sam, misses women at all. "I mean, with the exception of the other night."

"So far," Luke says quietly. "To be honest, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it when he decides to fuck around with someone else. It's different with you guys - you're part of his history - but if he came to the club and decided to fuck some random boy here..." He trails off, biting at his lower lip.

"What if it was some random girl?" Ryan asks, feeling like he's all too familiar with that look on Luke's face.

"I don't know," Luke says, hating the way he feels about this. "I don't know whether it would make it better or worse. On one hand, it means he's not looking for a replacement for me, that he needs something _completely_ different, but on the other hand - being with a woman would make things so much easier for him, with his agent and everyone..." He shakes his head. "What about you and Sam? I know he's shared you with Alex but, do you do a lot of that?"

"Not a lot, no. It's happened more that he and I have shared someone else, but even that doesn't occur often." Ryan waves at a waitress as they walk into the casual cafe and take a table by a window. "I admit, it didn't seem to me like Alex was looking for easier." He kicks back in his seat and gives Luke a smile.

"No, I know," Luke says with a sigh. He must sound so insecure. "It's not something I worry about all the time or anything like that, but his mum told me his ex-girlfriend was still calling him and I had no idea they were still in touch and I _want_ to be one of those people who are totally okay with having an open relationship, well on his part, but I just don't know if I can do it and what if I start putting all these restrictions on him?" Fuck. "Please don't tell him I said that, or Sam even. I don't know if he'd repeat it or not, but it's just... you're getting all the illogical crap that goes on in the back of my brain and I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Nah, it's--" Ryan cuts himself off, seized by a sudden realization. "Wait, do you have anyone else you can talk to about this stuff?"

Luke shakes his head. "No, not really. None of my other friends are into this stuff. Not that I know, anyway, and I can ask Alex about some of it but when it's about him or us..."

" _Oh_. Oh oh oh." Ryan shakes his head and beckons his hand in a gesture of invitation. "Please, say anything you need to. You don't have to worry I'll tell anyone. I absolutely understand how much it sucks to need to get this kind of stuff out in the open air, and not be able to." He smiles up at the waitress who stops by their table. "A vanilla ceylon for me, please. Iced."

"That sounds good. I'll have the same," Luke tells her, waiting for a moment until she's gone to continue. "So, do you ever feel jealous with Sam?"

"Fuck, yeah." Ryan's tone stops barely short of pure incredulity. "That's one of those things that... You know, it embarrasses me to admit it. Because it's ugly, and it's small-minded, and..." He rolls his eyes. "And, fuck it. Even though I know all that, I still get jealous as all hell. Because he's Sam, you know? He's hot and he's charismatic and people of both genders just fall all over themselves trying to catch his attention. And as if that weren't enough, then he does these crazy hot naked scenes with beautiful women, and gets paid for it. And _then_ ," Ryan raises an eyebrow and gives Luke a look, "his incredibly gorgeous ex-lovers show up."

Luke laughs and then ducks his head, blushing hotter than ever. "At least I had the decency to show up with a sir in tow," he says with a laugh, eyes sparkling. "One who doesn't want to share me."

"You have no idea how much I appreciate Alex's possessiveness," Ryan agrees with a grin. It's true. Once they had Luke and Alex over for dinner and Ryan witnessed just how incredibly devoted to his boy Alex is -- only then did Ryan's fears dissipate, the paranoia that Luke might somehow try and steal Sam away.

Luke laughs again. "So, since you say you do get jealous, what do you do? Do you tell Sam? Do you have any rules for him? Part of my problem, I think, is that I have all these ideas of what boys are and aren't allowed to do and it's all based on porn and things I've read."

"Rules... Let's not call them that," Ryan suggests, thinking of testy discussions he and Sam have had over Sam's 'rules' in the past. "There are some things that I've asked of him, and that he's agreed to, out of respect for me. Like, I've told him that he can fuck around however he wants, with whomever, but that he needs to please come home to me afterwards. Not sleep with them, you know? And he's done that a few times." He traces an aimless pattern on the tabletop. "It didn't freak me out the second time like it did the first time. Because by that point our relationship was strong enough that I _knew_ , okay, he really keeps his promises."

Luke nods. "That makes sense," he says softly. "I guess I could talk to Alex about it a bit more. See if we can agree on some... parameters," he settles on, laughing a little. "Although I also hate the idea of bringing it up again since nothing's happened so far." He blow out a breath, shaking his head at himself. "I don't usually waffle like this," he tells Ryan. "But then again, I've never been involved with anyone like Alex. I just think about him and my knees go weak."

Ryan smiles crookedly. "I think my best advice would be for you to decide which issues are the _most_ important to you, like, they really really matter. You don't have to negotiate with him over every little thing. I mean, you probably shouldn't, does that make sense? Because, in this kind of relationship, you need to trust that your sir will take care of you and do what's best for you." Ryan looks up and nods his thanks to their waitress as she delivers their tall glasses of tea. Then he shakes his head at Luke. "Don't get caught up in second-guessing yourself about whether it's okay to tell him or not. Just figure out which is most important, and then let the rest be. I mean, I think my only other rules for Sam are that he checks with me before he lets someone else top him, and that he checks with me before he lets someone else play with me. As opposed to him just ordering me to do it."

"That's good advice, thank you," Luke says, taking sip of his drink. "Mm. That's good." He smiles. "Any other tips for someone who's new to the whole sir/boy thing?" he asks, only partly teasing. He can use all the help he can get.

"If you want something, then ask him for it. Or, you know, don't come right out and ask, but send him a message so he knows you want it," Ryan replies with a grin, thinking back to the story he told Luke just a little while ago. "Sometimes I think that I'm being so incredibly obvious, and Sam's just... I shouldn't say 'oblivious'. But he can't read my mind, and so sometimes I have to push in order to get him to _get_ something." He laughs softly. "I'm guessing Alex is probably the same way."

"And that's okay? To do that, I mean," Luke asks, although he's so grateful to hear Ryan say it. "I always wonder whether I'm supposed to wait for him to come up with everything. I don't think he wants me to do that but I see so many boys at the club who don't dare take a breath without their sir's okay." He smiles. "You and Sam don't seem like that at all." But he has no doubt Ryan's Sam's boy. One hundred percent. And it's not just the marks on his body.

"I don't think that's what Sam wants from me. I know it's not what I want from him." Ryan grins and sips at his drink. "I tease Sam that he would die of boredom if I were a boy like one of the slaves from the club." He huffs a soft laugh. "Usually, he calls me a brat and tells me to watch my step. But we both know I'm right." He leans in and folds his arms on the table, casually studying Luke's face. "What do you want from him? Like, how much of your life do you want him to decide for you?" What Alex wants is Alex's own deal; Ryan wants to make sure that Luke has examined this question.

"I don't know," Luke admits after a long moment. "There are times when I want him to control me completely. When I just want to serve him 24/7 and not think about anything else. But I also know I can't do that while I'm working and I don't think it's something I could do long-term. I love teasing him too much and I'd miss our friendship as well." He takes another sip of his drink. "I think we need to do what you suggested and make time for the 24/7 stuff. A weekend here or a week there when we have a break."

Ryan nods. "But what about... him? Would you be okay with him making decisions like who else he's going to play with and what kind of scene it will be, without any input from you? Or do you want a say in that?"

"No, I definitely want a say," Luke responds. "The first time we talked about it we had just started seeing each other and then the last time, it was when he watched you and Sam together at his place. I was surprised by how happy I was that he hadn't fucked you or Sam."

"Yeah, I can understand that." Ryan swirls his straw in his tea. "But you were totally okay with Sam topping him?" Although perhaps it hadn't turned out to be topping in a traditional sense of the term.

"I was just glad I was there and, like I said before, you guys are part of his history. He told me about how they dp'd you and took turns fisting you another time," Luke says. "And since I know Sam, I don't know, it just made sense. I didn't feel jealous at all really. Were you okay with it?"

"...Yeah, I thought it was really fun to watch," Ryan answers, but his brain is still stuttering on Luke's words of a few seconds back. "They didn't take turns with me," he says softly, in an instant worrying that maybe he shouldn't tell Luke this; maybe it will make him feel even more self-conscious.

"What do you mean?" Luke asks.

Ryan takes a large swallow of tea. He already regrets his words, but now that it's out there he can't just lie to Luke's face. "When Sam and Alex fisted me, they didn't take turns," he explains quietly. "They did it at the same time."

Luke stares at Ryan, the words slowly sinking in. "Together?" he clarifies, still struggling with the concept even though he's seen it in magazines and video, seen men take elbows and biceps and two from the same guy before. But Alex's hands are _huge_ and Sam's aren't exactly small either.

"Right." Ryan nods. "Like," he places his palms together, then curls them into fists side-by-side. And then his face flushes hot, because that might have been the least necessary demonstration _ever_. He mumbles, "To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot of it."

"Did you come?" Luke asks. With anyone else it might be inappropriate but Ryan's the one who told him he came from having his nipples pierced.

"Probably?" Ryan's memory of that experience - that whole damn day, really - is just so hazy. "I think... I think I came through a cock ring that time. It must've been, like, the seventh time that day, I was just overwhelmed." His tone of voice is nearly apologetic when he adds, "I passed out after that." Hell, he's not even certain he didn't pass out during.

"You came seven times?" Holy shit.

"Oh, god no! No." Ryan shakes his head and rushes to clarify. "Sam had been teasing me for ages that some day he was just going to chain me up and use me all day. And that day... so it was Sam all morning, and then Sam and Alex taking turns in the afternoon, and then the fisting, and then I was done for. I only came the once."

Luke just stares at Ryan, slowly digesting all of that. Wondering if Alex wants that from him. Not the sharing. His sir's been clear on that. But to take so much for so long. He doesn't know if he could do it. "Um." Fuck. He blows out a breath and motions to their waitress as she passes. "Excuse me. Could I get a beer, please? Whatever you have on draft is fine." He turns back to Ryan. "Okay. Can I ask you something _really_ personal without you being offended or freaked out?"

Ryan blinks, and gives the question due consideration. "Probably," he says after a long moment. "I really don't get offended or freaked out easily."

Luke nods - okay - and then shakes his head. "I can't believe I'm going to ask you this," he says, blowing out another breath, his cheeks so hot he could probably fry something on them. "Does it cause any problems? Being fisted like that - you know, stretched that much? Whenever I've checked out xtube and those sites and someone's doing major anal stuff, everyone starts joking about how they're going to be stuck in diapers and all that..."

God, Luke. Ryan is beginning to realize that he can't accurately predict Luke's questions _at all_. "Umm... there's some truth to that," Ryan admits. "But it's kind of equivalent to saying, 'If someone eats food, then they're going to get cavities.' Because, yeah, if you don't ever fucking brush your teeth, you'll get cavities. But if you take care of your teeth, then you'll be fine." He raises an eyebrow at Luke, wondering if his analogy is actually any good; he's never attempted to explain this before. "I mean, I keep in shape. I do a ton of yoga, and I run, and I just keep my whole body strong and young, and that keeps everything, you know, tight." Blushing furiously he shrugs. "If all I ever did was lie around on the couch and get my ass stuffed all day, then yeah, I might have some problems. But your muscles want to snap back to their original shape, it's how they're made. You just have to kind of help them along, sometimes."

"That makes sense," Luke says, nodding, his mind worrying over and over a few spots in all that Ryan's told him. "Did Sam ask you if you wanted to be shared?" he asks. "Did you know Alex and him were going to do that?"

"He had told me he'd get someone in on it, and he confirmed it that morning when he laid out a big pile of condoms. I mean, when was the last time we'd used a rubber for just the two of us? But I didn't know really who it was going to be. And honestly, it didn't really matter to me," Ryan says, and finishes off his tea. Their waitress appears with Luke's beer, and Ryan nods and requests one as well. "Like, it was cool that the mystery person turned out to be Alex, just because I'd met him before. But it could have been a complete stranger to me and it would have made no difference, because it wasn't me being with him, like we were together. It was me being with him _for my sir_ , so Sam was the only one I was focused on anyway."

"You weren't freaked out at all?" Luke says. "When he laid out the condoms."

"I was very freaked out, yeah," Ryan admits. "Because I was so distracted up to that point that I hadn't even realized... But that's why he did it, you know? Sam's always careful to give me an out when we do something new. Even if he doesn't come right out and say it aloud, he lets me know that I can put a stop to things at any time, if I'm uncomfortable. And he's not going to be angry, or anything. So the condoms... I think that was partly to build my anticipation, but mostly to see how I reacted to the idea."

"So, if you were really freaked out, would you safeword? Even if it was just a mental thing?" Luke asks.

"Yeah, definitely." Ryan nods, then looks up to thank the waitress when she delivers his pint. "I've safeworded with Sam before. Umm..." he chews it over. "I think, twice for physical reasons, and once for emotional reasons."

"And he didn't give you any grief about it?"

"No... well, once. Kind of," Ryan says, trying to figure out how to explain it. "But it was really my fault. He was angry that I safeworded instead of simply telling him that I needed him to do something different. He thought that I wasn't taking it seriously. But really," Ryan shrugs. "I was deep in the scene and I was really pissed off and I didn't know how to talk about it at that point, so I was safewording because I _couldn't_ explain it to him." He sips at his beer. "That scene - the way I fucked it up - was one of the things that led to me asking Sam to take my safeword from me."

Luke blinks, taking a huge gulp of his beer. Struggling to process all that Ryan's telling him. "You don't have a safeword?"

"Nah." Ryan shakes his head. "Because I felt like I was using it all wrong. Like, I safeworded when I should have just talked to him, and then I didn't safeword when I actually needed to, and... It's just... better," he says simply, and smiles a little. "I trust Sam. Completely. I know how well he knows me, how well he can read me. I know he'll always take care of me. So this lets me just _be_ , you know? I can just be his boy and nothing else, get out of my head and react totally instinctively during a scene, because if it's not going right I know he'll call a halt for me." He snickers softly. "I do beg him for mercy, sometimes. Which I don't always get."

Luke laughs. "I can imagine." He smiles at Ryan. "I'm pretty sure Alex wouldn't let me give up my safeword. Not at this point anyway."

"Have you ever used it?" Ryan asks, curious. "With Alex, I mean."

Luke nods. "The once, when he tried to fist me," he says. "I told him I wanted to keep going and I wanted it so badly but finally I had to admit I couldn't do it."

"Was it the pain, or being so overwhelmed, or the combination of both?"

"Do you mean why I couldn't do it, or why I safeworded?" Luke asks, taking another sip of his pint.

"What was it that made you decide to safeword?" Ryan is willing to bet that Luke didn't take the decision lightly.

"Alex told me if I needed him to stop that I should, that otherwise I could just ask him to slow down or to wait or whatever," Luke says, still miserable at the memory. "It hurt so much but I thought if we just kept going. I mean, I know it's possible... but eventually I just knew it wasn't going to happen. So I safeworded so he'd know I meant it."

Ryan can't help it; he reaches out and lays his hand lightly on Luke's arm. "It's okay," he says softly. "You look like you're tearing yourself up about it. But you shouldn't."

"I know. It's just such a big fantasy of mine," Luke says. "And I'm so used to getting what I want, being able to _make_ things happen, mind over matter, all of that. Do you know what I mean? It's like I should be able to will my body to do this and I can't. Not yet anyway."

"Yeah, I totally understand that," Ryan murmurs, and he does. "I was a professional triathlete for a while. I still compete sometimes just to keep myself sharp... and that's, like forty percent physical conditioning but it's sixty percent mental conditioning. I've been known to injure myself just through pure stubbornness, for exactly the reasons you're saying." He sips at his beer. "Have you given any thought to that thing I suggested the other night, about wearing a plug all day just to get yourself nice and open, and then kind of springing the idea on Alex?"

Luke nods. "I'm planning on doing that," he says. "Our schedules are just so crazy at the moment. I can't imagine springing it on him on a Friday and right now he heads back on Sunday so if we did it on the Saturday, I'd probably really want him around the next day. I think it'll have to wait until we both have a few days off."

"Yeah, that totally makes sense. I think you're right to be worried about the potential for subdrop, I mean, especially since it would be your first time," Ryan agrees.

"I was really lucky when we were in New Zealand and even when I was going back and forth," Luke says. "Alex was really careful about when we did our heavier scenes and we weren't too worried about anyone knowing about us there -- the whole cast and crew did -- so he just came on set whenever I was feeling a little weird, or wasn't sure how I'd feel."

"That's really cool." Ryan smiles into his beer. "He really takes good care of you?"

Luke nods. "He's wonderful, and we take really good care of each other," he says. " _And_ I am so glad he's friends with you and Sam. It's great having someone to talk to, who's in a similar relationship - not just the sir/boy thing but the whole partnership dynamic."

"Oh fuck yeah, same here," Ryan says with a sigh of relief. "I _hate_ having to hide everything from nearly everyone. I mean, I'm in love and I want to tell the world, but also - like you said - I just need someone to talk to who's not going to judge me as a whackjob for liking the things I like."

"Well, especially since it seems like we have so many of the same things in common," Luke points out. "And not just kink. There's music and cooking."

"Yeah. Weird, huh?" Ryan laughs. "If it weren't for us, I think both our sirs would be subsisting on catering and take-away. Not to mention the random hook-ups..." He shakes his head. "Sometimes in the past I've gotten worried that Sam might miss his old life, because I've changed things for him too much... But I don't worry about that anymore."

"Good," Luke says with a smile, "because I'm being completely honest when I say I've never seen him happier."

"Yeah?" Ryan knows it's true, and his dimples flash when he smiles shyly. "Good. I know it sounds corny as all fucking hell, but he makes me feel... whole. And I just want to make him happy for a really really long time."

"It doesn't sound corny at all and I know exactly what you mean," Luke says. "Um. Want to finish these," he nods at their beers, "and help me choose a decent-sized plug for springing things on Alex?"

"Yeah, definitely." Ryan grins, glad that Luke feels comfortable enough with him now to just come right out and ask a thing like that. It truly does suck to have no understanding person to talk to. He signals to their waitress, and soon he's on his feet again, his wallet slipped back into his pocket.

Walking back over to the shops, Luke feels much more at ease than he did earlier. They head straight for the plug and dildo section and he picks up a set of graduated dilators, showing them to Ryan. "This is what he had me use for my training."

"Those look good," Ryan nods, checking out the various sizes. "You said you took them all in one day?"

Luke nods. "Starting in the morning. He moved me up to the next size every few hours."

"That sounds like a really fun day," Ryan says admiringly. Then he rolls his eyes at himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume. Did you have fun?"

"I had an amazing time," Luke says, ducking his head a little. "In case the fisting thing hasn't given it away, I'm kind of a slut for anything anal."

"I don't understand men who aren't," Ryan says with a smile. He scans the shelves and picks up a black silicone plug, which has two ridges of different sizes on the body. "This one looks cool. It says you can wear it under your clothes."

 _God._ "Is it big enough or is the idea just to stretch the muscles?" Luke asks, taking the plug from Ryan and working to suppress a squirm.

"How big are you picturing?" Ryan asks checking the dimensions detailed on the stock package. "You don't want to hurt yourself when you walk. Just... loosen." He draws in a breath when something shiny catches his eye. "Ohhh, look at this one," he says, his tone of voice nearly reverent when he chooses another plug, this one stainless steel and - _god_ \- heavy.

"Nice," Luke murmurs. "Bet you're not going anywhere with that one in," he says with a laugh and then picks up the larger plug to compare to the one Ryan showed him first. "I think this one's too big. The medium's probably right." And then his eyes go wide as he picks up a huge teardrop-shaped plug. "This looks rather ow." Although whether that's a good thing or not, he hasn't quite decided.

"That looks... oooh." Smooth, shiny, and gracefully curving to its widest point at 3.2 inches. Ryan nods. "That's pretty."

"It's something I could work towards," Luke says tentatively. "Maybe I should get both?"

"Definitely. Start investing in a good quality collection," Ryan says, and grins at him. "Do you need lube, while we're here? Anything else you want to look at?" He holds up the stainless steel one. "I'm going to bring this home to Sam."

"I'm sure he'll love it," Luke says, wondering what Alex will think of his purchases. "I wouldn't mind looking at some clamps," he says, starting to blush a little again. "And I should probably pick up some thicker lube to use with these."

"Have you ever played with clover clamps?" Ryan asks, turning away from the anal display. He snags a tub of Elbow Grease off a shelf as they pass, handing it over to Luke. "There's also Boy Butter, that works pretty well and it smells kind of good. Here," he says, picking up a silver chain with wicked-looking long clamps at the ends.

Luke shivers just looking at them. "No. I've used the really basic ones. The ones that look like tweezers. What do these ones do?"

"They get tighter when you pull on the chain," Ryan replies, grinning. But then his jaw drops as he gets distracted yet _again_. "Oh, look at these ones! They even have little teeth!" He just might swoon.

"Says the bloke with rings already through his nipples," Luke teases, but he adds a pair of the clover clamps to his growing pile of items, snagging a basket from the stack nearby.

"Well, um. Yeah," Ryan says with a shrug, but a blush is climbing high on his cheeks. "They're -- um. My weak spot. One of them. Two -- do they count as two?" He shakes his head, abashed, and admits, "I have a lot of weak spots."

Luke laughs. "What do you think of these?" he asks, moving to the next section which is full of clothing and picking up a pair of boy shorts with zippered panels, front and back. "Or this?" he asks, pointing out a full torso harness with built-in cock ring. "Or is it all overkill?" He sighs. "I'd hate to greet Alex in something like that and have him laugh his ass off."

Ryan raises an eyebrow, glancing at the shorts, and then lets his gaze linger on the harness. "Want to try it on? I'll let you know if I feel like laughing."

"Which? Will they let me?" Luke asks, unable to believe he's even considering it.

"Oh yeah, of course," Ryan says with a nod, and gestures towards a curtained-off area at the back of the shop. "There are a few individual changing rooms. They've got a 'no coming on the sales floor' policy, but in the changing rooms you can do whatever you want."

Luke picks up the shorts and the harness, hesitating for a moment. "You have to come back with me," he says. "There's no way I'm walking out here with these on."

Ryan laughs, but nods. "Yeah, okay." They make their way through to the back of the store and he studies the various displays of clothing as they pass, wondering what Sam would be pleased to have Ryan bring home to him. "I'll wait right here, all right?" he says, and leans against the door of the fitting room opposite.

"Shorts first," Luke tells him, pulling the curtain across the front of the cubicle. He slips out of his sandals, strips out of his shirt and jeans and pulls the shorts up over his thighs and crotch, stunned at incredibly tight they are. "Does leather give?" he asks, pushing the curtain back so Ryan can see.

"It..." Ryan's mouth goes dry in an instant, and he has to work to remember the question. "It stretches a bit, the longer you wear it. Are you comfortable in those? Because I don't think you want them to be tight to the point of painful." He keeps his thoughts about Luke's gorgeously-muscled thighs to himself.

"I think so," Luke says, turning around to check how they look in the mirror behind him. He bends to touch his toes and wriggles his ass a bit. "They're already feeling more comfortable."

 _Oh for the love of Christ_. Ryan swallows hard and stuffs his hands in his pockets, craning his neck to try and catch a glimpse of something - anything - back out on the sales floor.

"I don't know if I need both though," Luke says, straightening up and frowning at his reflection before he smiles at Ryan. "Harness next," he says, stepping back into the changeroom.

The second the privacy curtain is pulled back into place between them, Ryan nearly slumps with relief. He'd had absolutely zero intention - or expectation - of getting aroused today, on a shopping trip with Luke of all people. But fuck, Luke is fit, and Ryan's jeans suddenly feel just a bit too tight.

"Oh fuck," Luke murmurs, pulling the harness up over his hips, his cock fit through the cock ring, stiffening already against the leather. He swallows hard and finishes snapping it over his shoulders and chest, making sure all the straps are lying smoothly against his skin, then pulls back then curtain again, hands protectively shielding his crotch. Until he remembers he's seen Ryan completely naked before. Fuck it. He drops his hands to his sides. "What do you think?"

Ryan's eyes go wide. It wouldn't be such a shock if he didn't know Luke, he's pretty sure. But... "It's." He nods, and swallows hard. "Yeah, gorgeous." Luke looks like a sex slave from a wet dream, his cock half-hard in its ring. "You look amazing."

Luke laughs, blushing hotly. "Thanks." He rubs a hand over the back of his neck, eyes locking on Ryan's for a moment. His cock giving a jerk in its ring. Christ. "Um. I guess I'll get both after all," he says quickly, stepping back and tugging the curtain, which of course fucking sticks this time, closed.

"Okay. I'm going to wait out there," Ryan says and points to the sales floor, not that Luke can see him doing so. He stalks back out into rows of vinyl clothing, tangles his fingers in his hair, and yanks hard. Trying to get his brain back into gear, fuck.

In the dressing room, Luke rubs his hands over his face, willing his cock to go the fuck down. Of all the people to be attracted to... even though it's probably just the situation, the leather and his being half-fucking naked. Who wouldn't react given the same scenario? He bites at his bottom lip, wondering if it's something he has to admit to Alex, then shoves the thought down, deep down, to be dealt with later in favour of getting himself out of the harness and back into his clothes.

Attempting to distract himself, Ryan starts to browse through a rack of black briefs, some leather, some vinyl, some mixed. He pulls out a pair made of both leather and mesh and considers it curiously. Why should Luke and Alex have all the fun? Of course, he doesn't know if Sam even likes this stuff. But there's one solid way to find out. He gathers up the shorts and the stainless steel plug, then makes his way to the cashier.

His basket filled to the brim once he adds the shorts and the harness, Luke joins Ryan at the cash. "Oh, I like those," he says, nodding at the shorts, determined to pretend nothing ever happened. "They'll look gorgeous on you."

"Think so?" Ryan holds up the shorts, running his finger over a mesh side panel. "I've never worn anything like these before. I hope Sam's okay with it." The shop girl holds a stylized paper sack open for him and he drops the shorts inside, then digs out his wallet.

"I bet he will be," Luke says with a smile, handing over his basket to the next cashier. "Now I just have to figure out when to surprise Alex with this stuff. I don't know whether to show him the whole haul or dole it out piece by piece."

"Personally, I vote for staggering the surprises," Ryan says, giving the cashier a smile and a nod of thanks. "Otherwise they just get greedy, start thinking they can have everything they want, all of the time..." Because Sam has to beg and plead and ask Ryan nicely for whatever he wants. Yeah, right.

Luke laughs. "I'm just afraid Alex might decide to use it all at once," he jokes, eyeing the huge teardrop plug and wondering if he should put it back until he's really ready to try it.

Ryan snickers. "There's an idea. I wouldn't put it past Sam, that's for sure." It's funny how comfortable this feels, now, discussing his sir with Luke even though he's still hyper-aware of their history together. But it's just so completely obvious how into Alex Luke is, and vice-versa. And Sam seems pretty damn happy right where he is.

"No wonder they're such good friends," Luke says, laughing and shaking his head as he hands over his credit card, leaving the plug in the basket after all. As he told Ryan earlier, it's something to aim for.  



End file.
